As you go through the divorce process, obstacles will inevitably pop up, and emotions will run high. You may be experiencing feelings of guilt, failure, and despair – all perfectly natural reactions in this scenario.
However, staying in that place is unhealthy; divorce is too complicated to be simplified to one person’s “fault,” nor are you able to protect your children from every disappointment. Before you internalize these feelings long-term, take time to process your own thoughts and emotions so you can continue to be strong for your children and for yourself. Here are some resources and tips to help you get through the divorce process with dignity.
Take a Little “Down Time”
Once you’ve had the difficult conversation about your divorce with your kids and/or immediate family and friends, it’s important to regroup. Allow yourself time and space to process these events, as well as assess any new or recurring emotions that come up. Before jumping into the next round of things to do, try to gift yourself a bit of “you time,” preferably something that grounds and/or rejuvenates you.
Talk to Someone
If you’re grappling with particularly difficult emotions, it can help to talk it through with a trusted confidante who will listen without judgment; whether it’s a best friend or family member, a pastor, a counselor or spiritual advisor, allow others to help you when you need it most.
Call in the Cavalry
Seek insight and favors from people who care about you. Ask your boss or business partners for leeway. Turn to your siblings or neighbors you trust for help with the kids. Seek advice from a financial planner or mental health professional to deal with whatever comes up. Don’t go it alone!
Avoid every temptation to air grievances to your kids. Allow children to maintain their respect and love for both parents. Be affirming without giving false hope that you’ll get back together or minimizing their pain. For instance, use statements like, “We both love you, and that will never change.”
Books That Can Help
There are plenty of books available that can help you process emotional fallout (not just to get through talking with your children, but to help you get through the divorce process). Here are a few suggestions:
The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive by Robert E. Emery, Ph.D.
Divorce Care: Hope, Help, and Healing During and After Your Divorce by Steve Grissom, Kathy Leonard
Above all, rest assured that there is life after divorce, even if it doesn’t feel like it today. We hope that these few tips help ease this often-difficult transition period. To learn more about how we can help resolve your divorce or family law matter, contact the professionals at the Law Offices of Silky Sahnan to arrange a confidential consultation.